I was walking on the Upper West Side, strolling along in my headphones, listening to a podcast, when I saw a woman leaning against a building. She was crying so hard her shoulders were convulsing, she was clearly distraught. I see a lot of heartbreaking sht on the streets of New York. Any day of the week, there’re people screaming profanity at each other and their phones, people asking for money, for food. There’s the best and the worst of humanity on display in public spaces, in a mad crush of a huge city with millions of inhabitants. Some say we’re desensitized, others say we have to turn a blind eye to protect our own psyche. I kept on walking, but then something pulled me back.

I back-tracked to the crying woman and asked if she was ok. She was clutching her iPhone and sobbing loudly, she shook her head no. I asked if she wanted a hug. She nodded yes and we hugged. Right there, in the street, two strangers hugged. It was only a few seconds, but it was a real hug. Our bodies connected, we breathed out, and let go. She started to calm down. I told her life sucks but it’s full of beautiful moments. She agreed, put her phone in her purse and gave me a faint smile. “Thank you,” she whispered, I waved my hand goodbye, and continued on my merry way.

About a month later, I was at a crosswalk waiting for the light to turn green. I just lost my mother, flew back to NYC from the funeral, and I was a Mess with the capital “M”. I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, everything hurt. I tried to put on a brave face and go about my day, if not for me, then for my family. If I go to pieces, how will they be able to cope. What example am I setting for my daughter, if I crawl up in a corner and cry all day? I made myself get up, and tried to get back to my daily routines. It felt like I was swimming under water, vaguely aware that the world is out there, but not really engaging with it. Sounds were muffled, movements seemed in slow motion.

I was so out of it, I didn’t even realize I was walking down the street with tears streaming down my face. A woman next to me walking her tiny little brown dog turned to me and asked if I was ok. I said “No, but I will be.” She asked if I wanted a hug and we hugged. Two strangers, waiting for the walk sign at the intersection, hugged. I petted her adorable dog, her name was Mini. We missed the walk sign, and waited for the light to turn green again. I stopped crying and thanked her.

Sometimes, life hits hard and it’s ok to grieve, it’s ok to feel sad, and it’s ok to hug a stranger. On my new favorite podcast, called Grief is a Sneaky Bitch on Apple Podcasts, these topics are explored from a wide spectrum of viewpoints. It really helps to gain an understanding that it’s not just ok but quite imperative to have your feelings, to cry, to listen to your emotions. Grief does crazy sht to your body and your mind and we can’t just push these feelings down and keep going as if nothing is wrong because it will surface back up, likely in a way that’s detrimental, at a time we least expect it. So whatever is going on in your life, give yourself time and space to feel the “feels” as my friend says, allow yourself to go with it, without being hard on yourself, without judgement or negativity. Sometimes, we just need to be seen, sometimes, we just need a hug.

We all have our humanity in common. It would be amazing for all of us to be kinder to ourselves and to each other. I’m still not ok, but I will be. And as ever, I’m so grateful for all the beautiful people in my life, strangers included.